how to survive

as of yesterday i started my new job at jimmy john’s. if you’ve never heard of jimmy john’s well, your missing out. its probably the best sandwich shop in reno. i just had a “vito” yesterday it was awesome! be sure to come in and say hello. i’m working at the store on 9th street across from UNR.

where do i begin?

its been a long year. i’ve been taking a break from traveling and playing music for the past 8 months. i haven’t taken a break from performing music since i began back in 1996. it became apparent recently after the “pittsburgh syke” (previous blog) that all along God has been leading me to step back from performing and get my priorities strait. in doing so i’ve been able to recognize so many things about myself and how i operate. good and bad. breaking free from the performance trap i so easily fell into. i’ve been so caught up in the identity of being a rock star, and finding my worth in wether i was successful as an artist. that i stepped over people. including myself.

well, God in His graciousness allowed me to come to my end. after having vaelyn i quickly began to realize what was important to me. people!

please understand me. although i’ve cared about people along the way i’ve failed to love them as myself. always putting my own illusions of what i need above others needs. i hope this makes sense?

so...the calling and vision has changed. no longer do i want to be consumed by the haunting temptation of being famous or winning the approval of people. although i realize this sin in me will continue to try to pop its head up. i feel as though i have turned a corner. able to say no to gigs because i’ve realized my identity is not as a artist. my identity is as a follower of Jesus. Jesus cared for and loved people.

because of my choice to believe in God and His son, i believe the scriptures when they say that the spirit of Christ comes to live inside me. my heart is changing its growing in the understanding of loving people. for years i’ve ran from growing roots in one place afraid of being hurt again not realizing that i was missing out on what life is truly about.

(DING)the light bulb has gone off. i see the tremendous value in loving people and being involved and known in a community. the good the bad and the ugly.

i no longer want to step over the importance of true relationship for fantasy, the lie that i’ll be happy if people love me for what i do and not who i am. believe me when i say i’m far from having it together, but i am reaching forward to become more like Jesus in the fact that i want to build up those around me by being true to who God has made me to be.

the only problem is i still don’t fully know who i am nor will i ever probably, but i guarantee that i will grow closer to who God is calling me to be as i pour into those around me.

like a ton of bricks i had a revelation a couple weeks ago. i realized for the past 30 years i’ve attempted to please myself and believe me i’ve loved myself well. pursing all that i desired with my dreams and goals stopping at nothing. running over my needs, my wife’s needs, and the needs of those around me.

so now i’m turning from my selfishness (sin) and attempting to love people as i’ve loved myself.

pray for me. this is a huge task but one i feel i’m called to as a follower of Jesus.

so...i’m going through a season of reevaluating and putting priorities in order. my relationship to God, my relationship to my wife, baby, family, & community and when there is room, art & music.

i thank God for the amazing journey i’ve been able to experience and wouldn’t trade the amazing people i’ve been able to meet and have relationship with, but ultimately music is not my life following Jesus is.

prayer requests:

natalie and i are trying to figure out how to survive (growing up).
our house mate dave is loosing his job. if i hadn’t been for dave and jacci turner not only would i have not come to this revelation of what is important but natalie, the baby, and i would still be living in an rv. as of june they will no longer be able to allow us to live with them do to their financial situation and the changes they are going through. please keep them in your prayers. they are a huge blessing us and to this community.
we are also needing to figure out how to navigate natalie getting a job so we can afford a place to live, as we can’t afford a place and our current bills with my job alone, but the trick is figuring out how to manage this in this economy without dividing our ability to be a family. i realize many are trying to figure this out currently do to the economy, but on top of the economy crises natalie and i have never been on our own so we’ve never learned how to manage jobs and spending time as a family. we’ve been so fortunate to be together side by side for the past four years working together as a team. emotionally this is hard for us. reality is stripping away our fantasy. (i know God has a plan in it. its just hard.)
my mom is still struggling. she hasn’t been getting better and the doctors still can not figure out why her body won’t function. they are both getting tired and i sense their hope is being challenged as is mine.
wisdom on how to pay down debt and provide so we can be a family and be involved in our community.